I 'was' having a lovely day, a rare afternoon of immersing myself in my studio (not doing my own work sadly) but doing daft prep for workshops; not exactly 'down pit' so you'll hear no grumbling from me, despite now having a right hand swelled to the size of Peru, I love it in there on my own.
It's my own world where no one can get to me, it could be on another planet really. It makes me loose myself a bit, oh that's sounds so shit and oh so arty..pfft hate that, but actually it does. It allows me to immerse myself in life, work and my thoughts, in me I suppose, I have no hat on in there other than Charlotte.
On the down side it can give me a bit too much thinking time while I'm cutting up cardboard the thickness of 70's platform shoe. Again no bad thing, it gives me time to take stock and breathe for a while; I know not many people can do that, I know I'm lucky. I actually like my own company (oh how self fucking centered is she I hear you cry) well not at all actually, I guess I never get bored of my own mind and I love and need my own time to myself like this afternoon.
As everything in life when something's lovely, something has to come along and tip the balance. No nothing terrible; when I say nothing terrible I mean bottom line stuff as in no one is ill. What ever I face in life that's always my bottom line with me, as everyone I suppose. I'm a very outwardly calm person (with a brain like Road Runner) and I have an endless supply of patience (except maybe when it comes to my son.) I guess I'm good in a crisis, thankfully daily I don't have to face many of those; I live a cushy life really. I meet a lot of people through my work that don't; people who have mental health problems, addictions, self confidence issues and suffer real real poverty I could go on but I won't, I'll depress myself.
I guess that why I'm not a moaner; I shut up and get on with it and think about it later. You never guess that though hearing me on twitter you'd think just the opposite, it seems though with recent home stuff twitter is my place of rant - no bad thing admittedly as someone tweeted me the other day 'rant away' - er OK permission granted then.
Its a place no one can really hear me (as this bloggy thing is really) and I can be a complete tit and not give a shit about sounding like a wallywoo; I love it because of that, oh yes and the fact you can nosey the hell out of other people lives. I'm intrigued as what the hell I did before twitter with all my rants and nonsense thoughts - its a little bit like someone opening a door at the back of my brain and everything spilling out but not making a mess on the carpet. (god I talk shit don't I? I blame the painkillers myself.)
So the result of the loveliness being interrupted this evening by a air of stress, anger and fuck knows what? Well that will be a quiet night in the house, so quiet its deafening, so quiet I don't even want to nosey in on twitter. I'm not sad or pissed off or anything else, I'm just here at the moment and I ended up writing this shit...who knows what tomorrow will bring?
I'm going to go watch my son sleep in a minute, because that's incredibly calming,lovely and emotional. I don't do it very often but when I do it fill the gaps in my mind, makes me smile and able to breath slowly again. Before I know it he'll be 6ft, spotty and telling me to piss off, so I know I must cherish this time when I can go sit next to him and find him amongst the mountains of soft toys he never had in the first part of his little life.
I will never forget for as long as I live the pure beauty of my child sleeping I am truly blessed to call him my son - I love him with entirety of my heart now and always.
I've got to go now because my right hand has packed up and I'm having to type with my nose and I keep banging my head and its giving me a headache.
Bye for now, until the next load of drivel eh?
Thanks for reading x x
No comments:
Post a Comment