Strength

It's nearly here, all the scans, all the hospitals over the past four months and it's looming forever closer. Tomorrow we go for a 'chemo talk' chemotherapy starts on Tuesday. My mum will go from being a strong woman to a weaker version of her once self but I know her strength will shine through as bright as the fireworks over the Thames on new years eve.
I'm a mini carbon copy of my mum, she's amazeballs, I knew that before all this shit but now I see it even more so everyday. We have the same attitude to life, the same silly ways, we both look at each other after a hottie walks past us, we always enjoy every special moment and usually the simplest things in life give us the most joy. We have the same eyes, the same obsession with handbags and the same silly giggle, we both put everyone else before us and it's only when our bodies give up we take a moment to ourselves.
What's scary is I have to be strong for both of them, since my dad had his heart attack 5 weeks ago, he's aged considerably. I've given up my business's to care for them both; no hesitation I'd do it forever if it means they live longer and see their grandchildren in their school plays and growing out of there shoes as quick as the hulk does.
So where is this strength? Its in there some where, sometimes I can feel it as strong as my sons hug first thing in the morning, sometimes it hides away like a lion at the back of the wardrobe to Narnia. I will find it day by day but I will also allow myself to be weak because I am human after all.

I know where the strength will come from it will come from her, just as she taught me not to pick my nose in public and to make sure my skirt isn't tucked in my knickers when I come out the loo, she taught me how to be strong, how to enjoy every precious moment you can while you can. I will get to live after this, she won't, she will live on in all of us; we all live on in our children and I am so so proud to be like her.
So however weak she will be I will be her strength, her light when it dark her smile when she is crying because I'm her and I learn't from the best. I'm the luckiest girl in the fucking world, bring it on you bad boy cancer, we've a few more memories and smiles to enjoy before you take her from us.

xxxxx

While I'm here, I just want to say a huge thank you to all my wonderful friends on twitter that are helping me though this shitty journey. I'm generally ok most of the time and twitter is my escape when all around me is crumbling. Your kind words, sillies and laughter help me through every single day. I know most people don't get twitter but those of us that do and are lucky enough to find true life long friends through it, know that the faith and the power of human kindness can be restored through a simple 140 characters. Thank you you beautiful people, you know who you are but a special thank you to puss flaps, you are my rock ;) xxx