Ketchup and Lollies

It's about 5am, I've been awake since three as my knackered old neck and back decided to wake me along with my busy mind, tapping at my brain like a dripping tap with an incontinence problem.I love this time of day, the early morning sounds the silence, the birds singing and daylight playing peepo with the clouds.

Yesterday was special, very special it was my only sons 5th birthday and for those of you that have been living on button moon since Lotty joined Twitter my children are adopted. I forget they are adopted, they feel like mine, they are mine but it's strange although it's something I will never experience I feel like I gave birth to them. What's also slightly odd is it's only at special times I remember they are adopted because I always think about the birth parents and what could have been if he didn't end up with us. Without boring you with nicotine and caffeine induced early morning ramblings, my son was born a drug addict, his birth mother was an addict. Its strange people reactions are always of disgust when they hear that, not mine just empathy and despite my son having a visual impairment because of it I still think about her on days like yesterday because I know she would have been thinking about him.

Days like yesterday are more poignant because of my mums terminal cancer, it could have been the last time she shares a birthday with my son so it was extra special for many reasons, although strangely it was a cancer free day yesterday; a precious rarity like a Mary Poppins bag. None of us thought about it, we all just soaked up every giggle, every bounce on the castle, every pass in pass the parcel and every smile that beamed from my sons lips and let that beautiful priceless feeling soak into us forever.
I text my mum yesterday asking her to bring emergency lollies and ketchup, like you do, she text back saying got both (because grannies always have lollies and ketchup) she said your doing a great job, I replied that I'd learnt from the best and It's true, my parents were born to be parents. Some people just are aren't they, I had an amazing childhood and I really believe that it's every child's god given right too.

Despite being up at stupid o'clock I'm still glowing inside from yesterday, a precious birthday thats now gone. I know my son will remember when he's older and I know I will look at the pictures when I'm grey and prune like and remember it fondly and smile like it was actually yesterday. Sometimes life gives you shit doesn't it and to be honest I've had rather a lot of it of late but then life gives you something precious that you can't buy or bottle or even get on eBay and you smile, a real earthy smile and you remember how amazing life can actually be and those moments help carry you for the next load of hurdles. It's amazing what some jelly and ice cream and a monster truck can do eh.

Here's to many more bounces on the castle, more smiles in people eyes of those I love and lifetime of precious memories that will outlive us all.

Thanks for reading kids.

xxx