Chocolate Cake

My eyes would close but my brain wouldn't stop working so I wrote this and just put it on Google+

Now I remember why I couldn't sleep;



Today I made a chocolate cake......I don't really like chocolate cake. I had an urge, a necessity, it was an unexplainable motherly nesting instinct I thought to myself as my toddler clattered about with the cake tins.

Why am I wanting to nest? I breathed out some air and thought irony; hello. There's an un-grown baby inside me right now that's not meant to be there. I have my precious adopted babies ringing in my ears everyday. I didn't know my body made babies. I only knew when the pain came and I saw it on the scanning screen in the hospital while I laid there alone pretending to be a grown up and all I really wanted was my mum.

Natures weird isn't it, I don't miss this baby or kidney shaped thing I saw on the screen but I know it's there and every little pain and tired feeling I get will keep reminding me until it's gone.

Until then I'll keep making the cakes I don't eat.




For you, the little thing inside me. Whatever you could have been, it wasn't right you grew; but I love you a bit anyway. xxx